‘Feel the fear and do it anyway…’

So I have…I’ve  joined the Open University and will be studying an Access course with them.  I have to say, they were very prompt in sending me my course materials!  Three days later and still thinking ‘what the hell have I done…’, my course materials were delivered to my door.

Just to update you all on how I feel now;  terrified.  To the point of not being able to  make a start on anything – not even filling in my student paperwork.  I have this overwhelming sense of ‘fear’.  Fear to the point of my brain freezing.  I can look at the words, content, books etc, yet see nothing and digest even less.  Its almost like I have gone into ‘freeze’ mode.

Yet, there is hope at the end of the tunnel.  You see, I know why I’m feeling like this and I know that, in order to move on from being ‘stuck’, I have to ‘stick with it’.  I have to not give in to my fear and just take baby steps forward.   I need to keep reminding myself that the fear I felt when previously studying, was not really due to the studying, but due to the abuse that was going  on at home and the poor results I obtained was a consequence of what was going on in my personal life.

For now, I will again unpack and probably repack my OU bag and wait with dread for the phone call from my Tutor, which should be some time this coming week.  My personal challenge between now and then is to at least fill in my paperwork.  Maybe when I can ‘see’ my name on the forms, I will start to really believe that with lots of hard work and commitment, as well as a home life that is positive and supportive, I can achieve this.

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