‘Still an only child…’

From the time my dad left to just before my sister was born, things are very blurred.  When I say things, I mean life at home with my mother.  I really don’t remember much about day to day living at all.  The only events I seem to remember are the ones I found upsetting.

I definitely went through a stage of being challenging, in terms of my behaviour.  I missed my dad and was angry with my mum; angry because she hadn’t woken me up to say goodbye to him.  On one occasion, I remember some unfortunate babysitter chasing me around a car park because I refused to go in when I had been called.  Why I did this, I have no idea – attention maybe.

My final memory before my sister was born was of my mother sitting in a chair and me walking up to her to say something.   She turned around and her face was white.  I mean white!  She screamed at me and, pointing to her face, told me angrily that I done this to her because of my bad behaviour.  She told me  I had turned her face white.   I was frozen with fear and then became hysterical.  I touched her face, but nothing came off.  She then said if I promised to be good, it would go away.  I promised and promised I would be good.  She went into the bathroom and when she came out, magically, her face was normal again.    Years later, I realised what she had done.  I was six years old.

Written by ‘Survivor-uncensored’

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